Top Tips on handling difficult behaviour

this is a book i read recently and it's for sunday school teachers.

Important: to remember the mischief we got up to as children. This helps us to be one step in front of and reminds us that:

a.        We are not perfect

b.       There's nothing new under the sun

CAUSES OF CHALLENGING AND DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOUR:

·         General learning difficulties. Children have difficulty learning at school and associate Sunday school too much with school and makes themselves uncomfortable.

·         Specific learning difficulties with literacy or numeracy. Children have problems with patterns and symbols, difficult to remember order and shape of letters and numbers. They do not enjoy worksheets or written word games.

·         Low self image. They want to be accepted, but do not know how to act properly. Children may become uncooperative and attention-seeking. They may be caught on vicious circle.

·         Developmental disorders. These are lifetime disorder that can impair life at home, school and work and frustrate interpersonal relationships. A few example of the disorders:

• ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Symptoms: impulsiveness, restlessness, inattentiveness, disorganisation and over-activity.
• Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Symptoms: difficulties in areas of language and communication, social relationships and limitations in imagination (with inflexibility of thought) and creative play.
• Auditory Processing Disorders. Symptoms: fail to process part or all of an auditory message. They do not have problem with hearing, they just fail to understand or make sense of the auditory message.

·         Fragmented home situations and unsettled relationships with parents. Children carry around inside them an enormous amount of sadness and tension. Their lives lack of routine and security. They will end up with challenging behaviour.

·         Lack of boundaries in the home. Some children know too much about adult concerns, some are not well prepared to face the world. Good behaviour is taught as well as caught. Do not point fingers of accusations. We as teachers need to recognise the impact and work towards creating boundaries of acceptable behaviour.

·         Physical demand. Pressure to do well, to succeed and to cope with all demands placed upon them takes its toll. Several causes of tiredness, lethargy and irritating behaviour in kids:
      o    Poor quality diets and lack of exercise.
      o    Not in bed long enough to get adequate sleep.
      o    Not sleeping well because they are unhappy or sibling disturbs them.

·         Group dynamics. This is important for children who are new to the Christian setting. Gently lay down guidelines for acceptable behaviour.

·         The organisation of your session. If teachers are not well prepared with appropriate activities, unacceptable behaviour may result.

TYPES OF BEHAVIOUR

James Dobson in Dare to Discipline puts behaviour in 3 categories;

1.       Childish irresponsibility. Silly things children do: spill drinks, dirty clean clothes, forget what they've been told, trip over nothing, break things, or get into unimportant arguments.

REMEMBER: they do not do these deliberately to annoy anyone.

2.       Behaviour linked to development. Children develop at different speeds. A child may not choose to be difficult, but just struggling to accomplish what has been asked of them.

3.       Challenge to authority. Defiance and stubbornness. The child is usually aware of what they are up to.

What are we supposed to do? Do not take it personally. The challenge needs to be met and won by both parents and teachers. The children want and need enforced boundaries. We do not need to teach them to be 'naughty' but we need to teach them what being 'good' is.

If a child is seeking attention, it is because he needs attention (this is not ADHD). Children may choose inappropriate way to gain attention, but they still need it.. In this situation, deliberately look for a way to give attention to the child for something positive, no matter how small, before they swing into inappropriate behaviour.

Positively acknowledging children when they are being good will give a clear message to them what we mean by 'good' behaviour.

Labelling

Remember: once label is made, it's difficult to remove. Children can live up to their label whether it's 'good', 'weak', 'naughty' or 'stupid'. If they live up to that label long enough, it will become difficult for them when someone relates to them in a different way. Changing this takes time, patience and persistence.

SHAPING BEHAVIOUR

Hebrews 12:6 "The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son" (NIV)

Discipline ought to be more about training and modelling than about punishment.

Undisciplined children are unhappy children and cause everyone they come into contact with to be affected by their unhappiness.

Children are made in the image of God and they matter so much to him. Thus, we ought to see a child as someone valued by God and show children how much we value them.

A God-focused attitude to every child: actively searching for the positive things each child has said or done. Truthfully praise a child for who she is. We all need praise. Luke 3:22 "A voice came from heaven: 'You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased'" (NIV). If God praise his Son, we ought to praise the children too to give them security.

·         Working within church community

There should be a clear Child Protection Policy for  everyone involved with children. Physical contact to be as minimum as possible. It is not good practice for leaders to become aggressive, to express anger or to shout at children. We need both prayer and determination to see positive things in children with difficult behaviour. It is important to be in a team, so that we can support each other in thinking positively about each child.

·         Working with the parent(s)

Parents are the prime carers of their children. Parents often need support and encouragement from us who work with their children. It is important to find out what their expectations are in dealing with the behaviour of their child.

·         Working with other children's workers

It is important to work in teams, no one adult to be alone with a group.

PRACTICAL TOP TIPS

Rule setting and rule keeping

What makes a good rule?

Consequences

We need to decide what happens if the rule is broken. Do not mete out inappropriate punishments which can damage relationship being built in  a group. Do not bring over punishment to the following week. Do not make threats. Guide a child to alternative positive options rather than punishment. Options for sanctions:

·         Provide alternative diversionary activity.

·         Time out to cool down

·         Provide individual attention

Enforce those consequences every time the rule gets broken. Be patient. Don't increase or change the consequences.

REMINDER: the best observed rule may not bring about the behaviour we want, but they can limit the level of bad behaviour. Group reward is better than rewarding the good child which may be demotivating the child who struggles to behave.

Top tips to encourage proper behaviour
1.       Good preparation
2.       Pray over the session and for each child who attends by name.
3.       Be first in the room and make sure everything is in place before children arrive.
4.       Quiet place for chats. Quite background music can quieten everyone down.
5.       Help children feel accepted unconditionally. Speak positively whenever possible and tell the truth.
6.       Give clear specific instructions.
7.       Avoid making comparisons
8.       Use children's names often
9.       Get to know each child well
10.    Plan for full length session. Don't give chance for kids to be bored and behave badly.
11.    Remember many have poor concentration
12.    Use voice between shout and whisper
13.    Do something totally different
14.    Avoid punishing whole group
15.    Express positive and truthful things
16.    Form relationship with parents

Top tips on dealing with specific difficult behaviour.
1.     Observation is required. When, what, any pattern in the child's behaviour.
2.     Prevent escalation and avoid threats.
3.     Minimise aggression.
4.     Use gentle humour, no sarcasm or put-downs.
5.     Correct confusions
6.     Acknowledge improvement
7.     Explain from your point of view.
8.     Do not ignore the withdrawn child.

Top tips for children's worker

1.       Have reasonable expectations. Be prepared to be surprised.

2.       Form a prayer support group.

3.       Work alongside other leaders and alongside the children too.

4.       Pray very specifically for a difficult child

5.       Expect to learn things yourself as you handle the children with difficult behaviour.

6.       Remember that we all make mistakes.

7.       Ask for help.

the underland chronicles

yeap. it's underland, not underworld. it's another string of novels by Suzanne Collins, the author of best sellers trilogy Hunger Games.

there are 5 books in this chronicles. i did speed reading almost for all the books and got the gist of it, at least, haha.

the author used several terms in the book:

• Gnawers: the Rats.
• Flyers: the Bats.
• Spinners: the Spiders.
• Crawlers: the Cockroaches.
• Shiners: the Fireflies.
• Diggers: the Moles.
• Nibblers: the Mice.
• Cutters: the Ants.

all of the creatures are named based on what they do, thus the names.

	it's the beginning of the whole story. meet Gregor, 11-year-old kid and his 2-year-old sister, Boots, who accidentally fell to the Underland. they met the Underlanders and the talking animals (or bugs mostly) which were huge in size. in addition, they found out that they were the destined "warrior" and "princess" who will fulfill "The Prophecy of Grey" written by the Underland founder. he went together with his sister and his companions, Queen Luxa and Henry the Royal Blood of Regalia, Aurora and Ares the bats, Ripred the rat, Tick and Temp the roaches, Trevlex and Gox the spiders. story cut short, he found his missing dad during the journey which he must complete, prophecy fulfilled, and went back to the "Overland"
	again, Gregor had to go down to the Underland to help its people from the trouble as per mentioned in "The Prophecy of Bane", written, again, by Sandwich, the founder of the Underland. it was mentioned that he had to kill a-one-of-a-kind white rat (which was very rare and legend said it's huge, larger than the already large rat size in the Underland) to prevent the whole Underworld from doomsday. but, there's a line in the prophecy stating "die the baby, die his most essential part". everybody thought it was Boots, his 2-year-old baby sister. so he had to kill "the Bane" while protecting his baby sister. but again, of course, he was safe and went back to Overland to continue the rest of 3 books left.
	after Gregor left from his 2nd journey, the Underland was struck by a deadly plague, which is some kind of a pox with high fevers. his bat, Ares, was the 1st victim. eventually, his mother, who tagged along this time, also caught the plague. thus, he had to venture on a journey together with the help of rats and roaches to find the only cure in the Underland, as mentioned in another of Sandwich's prophecy, "The Prophecy of Blood". the cure was a plant which only grew in the Vineyard of Eyes. they managed to reach the Vineyard, only to find the ants came to destroy the plants and he lost some comrades throughout the journey. turned out the cure was not only in that Vineyard, but also in Regalia, the country where most Underlanders lived. the Regalian doctor in charge of the plague actually managed to find the cure but didn't tell the officials initially owing to some conspiracy being planned by the high councils. but, of course, then again Gregor was considered successful in fulfilling the prophecy, saved his mother and bat, and the rest of the victims of the plague. he went back to Overland but had to leave his mother in the Underland for further medical attention.
	on the previous journey, Queen Luxa, the soon-to-be-11-year-old-ruler of Regalia made an oath to the nibblers (the mice) to ask her for help in case of emergency. they did, but the Queen and her companions in the journey did not know why. his newly found 7-year-old cousin in the previous journey, Hazard, surprised everyone by saying that the nibblers left the "Dead Mark" in their supposedly habitats. the journey went on, and the found out that the rats had caught the nibblers and pushed them to go to "a place of no return". they can't save all the nibblers and Queen Luxa declared war against the rats. the story was very hanging and continued on the last book.
	the final book. the war took place, a lot of humans, gnawers, nibblers, spinners, diggers, crawlers and flyers died. Gregor's 8-year-old sister, Lizzie, was involved to crack the code used by the gnawers to initiate attacks against Regalia. eventually the code was broken with the help of Lizzie. Gregor joined the war partly because Sandwich's prophecy said so and because he felt responsible of what happened. In the end, Gregor successfully killed the Bane, while in the process Ares was killed by the Bane. the remaining gnawers was ruled by Ripred, who was pointed as the peacemaker by Luxa's cousin, Nerissa, to make the prophecy of Sandwich fulfilled. to avoid future wars with rats, Luxa made a bond with rats, to protect each other until the day they died. in the end, Gregor had to go back to Overland, left his love, Luxa, behind.

the ending was quite hanging also, with Boots made a comment that Gregor missed the Underland. it's not clear whether in the end they moved to other city or not.

well, it's quite a good read to kill time :p but i found it quite strange that this kind of books is categorized for young teens. it's quite bloody even for young teens. hahaha. maybe the time has changed :p

the hunger games

recommended novel to read! didn't read it until my sis told me it's nice, just a bit sadistic at some parts. which is true. it's another trilogy story, which makes it to the theaters. the first book will be on the screen on 23rd march in singapore. yeayyy.. can't wait to watch it (oops, sounds like the capitol citizens haha).

1. the hunger games : explains the background of the story, what the game is about, the history of the country, outlines all the important characters throughout the trilogy. the ending can be easily predicted since there are 2 more books after this. i got too engrossed reading it until 330am in the morning. finished it within one day hahaha..

2. catching fire : a bit boring because it's a bit of repetition of the first book with another hunger games being held. however, the ending is very hanging. lucky i'm reading when all three books are out. hahaha... here the author mentions the rest of the victors of previous hunger games.

3. mockingjay: the finale. conclusion of the war between districts and the capitol (oops, spoil alert for some who haven't read). quite a happy ending with the main characters remain alive.

anyway, can't wait to see all the 3 books on the big screen! but when i watched the trailer, i realized they altered the story to suit. haii.. as expected.. they won't be able to follow the author's imagination 100%. i want to know what it will become of the songs written in the books. how will they come up with the tunes? hahah