Top Tips on handling difficult behaviour

this is a book i read recently and it's for sunday school teachers.

Important: to remember the mischief we got up to as children. This helps us to be one step in front of and reminds us that:

a.        We are not perfect

b.       There's nothing new under the sun

CAUSES OF CHALLENGING AND DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOUR:

·         General learning difficulties. Children have difficulty learning at school and associate Sunday school too much with school and makes themselves uncomfortable.

·         Specific learning difficulties with literacy or numeracy. Children have problems with patterns and symbols, difficult to remember order and shape of letters and numbers. They do not enjoy worksheets or written word games.

·         Low self image. They want to be accepted, but do not know how to act properly. Children may become uncooperative and attention-seeking. They may be caught on vicious circle.

·         Developmental disorders. These are lifetime disorder that can impair life at home, school and work and frustrate interpersonal relationships. A few example of the disorders:

• ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Symptoms: impulsiveness, restlessness, inattentiveness, disorganisation and over-activity.
• Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Symptoms: difficulties in areas of language and communication, social relationships and limitations in imagination (with inflexibility of thought) and creative play.
• Auditory Processing Disorders. Symptoms: fail to process part or all of an auditory message. They do not have problem with hearing, they just fail to understand or make sense of the auditory message.

·         Fragmented home situations and unsettled relationships with parents. Children carry around inside them an enormous amount of sadness and tension. Their lives lack of routine and security. They will end up with challenging behaviour.

·         Lack of boundaries in the home. Some children know too much about adult concerns, some are not well prepared to face the world. Good behaviour is taught as well as caught. Do not point fingers of accusations. We as teachers need to recognise the impact and work towards creating boundaries of acceptable behaviour.

·         Physical demand. Pressure to do well, to succeed and to cope with all demands placed upon them takes its toll. Several causes of tiredness, lethargy and irritating behaviour in kids:
      o    Poor quality diets and lack of exercise.
      o    Not in bed long enough to get adequate sleep.
      o    Not sleeping well because they are unhappy or sibling disturbs them.

·         Group dynamics. This is important for children who are new to the Christian setting. Gently lay down guidelines for acceptable behaviour.

·         The organisation of your session. If teachers are not well prepared with appropriate activities, unacceptable behaviour may result.

TYPES OF BEHAVIOUR

James Dobson in Dare to Discipline puts behaviour in 3 categories;

1.       Childish irresponsibility. Silly things children do: spill drinks, dirty clean clothes, forget what they've been told, trip over nothing, break things, or get into unimportant arguments.

REMEMBER: they do not do these deliberately to annoy anyone.

2.       Behaviour linked to development. Children develop at different speeds. A child may not choose to be difficult, but just struggling to accomplish what has been asked of them.

3.       Challenge to authority. Defiance and stubbornness. The child is usually aware of what they are up to.

What are we supposed to do? Do not take it personally. The challenge needs to be met and won by both parents and teachers. The children want and need enforced boundaries. We do not need to teach them to be 'naughty' but we need to teach them what being 'good' is.

If a child is seeking attention, it is because he needs attention (this is not ADHD). Children may choose inappropriate way to gain attention, but they still need it.. In this situation, deliberately look for a way to give attention to the child for something positive, no matter how small, before they swing into inappropriate behaviour.

Positively acknowledging children when they are being good will give a clear message to them what we mean by 'good' behaviour.

Labelling

Remember: once label is made, it's difficult to remove. Children can live up to their label whether it's 'good', 'weak', 'naughty' or 'stupid'. If they live up to that label long enough, it will become difficult for them when someone relates to them in a different way. Changing this takes time, patience and persistence.

SHAPING BEHAVIOUR

Hebrews 12:6 "The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son" (NIV)

Discipline ought to be more about training and modelling than about punishment.

Undisciplined children are unhappy children and cause everyone they come into contact with to be affected by their unhappiness.

Children are made in the image of God and they matter so much to him. Thus, we ought to see a child as someone valued by God and show children how much we value them.

A God-focused attitude to every child: actively searching for the positive things each child has said or done. Truthfully praise a child for who she is. We all need praise. Luke 3:22 "A voice came from heaven: 'You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased'" (NIV). If God praise his Son, we ought to praise the children too to give them security.

·         Working within church community

There should be a clear Child Protection Policy for  everyone involved with children. Physical contact to be as minimum as possible. It is not good practice for leaders to become aggressive, to express anger or to shout at children. We need both prayer and determination to see positive things in children with difficult behaviour. It is important to be in a team, so that we can support each other in thinking positively about each child.

·         Working with the parent(s)

Parents are the prime carers of their children. Parents often need support and encouragement from us who work with their children. It is important to find out what their expectations are in dealing with the behaviour of their child.

·         Working with other children's workers

It is important to work in teams, no one adult to be alone with a group.

PRACTICAL TOP TIPS

Rule setting and rule keeping

What makes a good rule?

Consequences

We need to decide what happens if the rule is broken. Do not mete out inappropriate punishments which can damage relationship being built in  a group. Do not bring over punishment to the following week. Do not make threats. Guide a child to alternative positive options rather than punishment. Options for sanctions:

·         Provide alternative diversionary activity.

·         Time out to cool down

·         Provide individual attention

Enforce those consequences every time the rule gets broken. Be patient. Don't increase or change the consequences.

REMINDER: the best observed rule may not bring about the behaviour we want, but they can limit the level of bad behaviour. Group reward is better than rewarding the good child which may be demotivating the child who struggles to behave.

Top tips to encourage proper behaviour
1.       Good preparation
2.       Pray over the session and for each child who attends by name.
3.       Be first in the room and make sure everything is in place before children arrive.
4.       Quiet place for chats. Quite background music can quieten everyone down.
5.       Help children feel accepted unconditionally. Speak positively whenever possible and tell the truth.
6.       Give clear specific instructions.
7.       Avoid making comparisons
8.       Use children's names often
9.       Get to know each child well
10.    Plan for full length session. Don't give chance for kids to be bored and behave badly.
11.    Remember many have poor concentration
12.    Use voice between shout and whisper
13.    Do something totally different
14.    Avoid punishing whole group
15.    Express positive and truthful things
16.    Form relationship with parents

Top tips on dealing with specific difficult behaviour.
1.     Observation is required. When, what, any pattern in the child's behaviour.
2.     Prevent escalation and avoid threats.
3.     Minimise aggression.
4.     Use gentle humour, no sarcasm or put-downs.
5.     Correct confusions
6.     Acknowledge improvement
7.     Explain from your point of view.
8.     Do not ignore the withdrawn child.

Top tips for children's worker

1.       Have reasonable expectations. Be prepared to be surprised.

2.       Form a prayer support group.

3.       Work alongside other leaders and alongside the children too.

4.       Pray very specifically for a difficult child

5.       Expect to learn things yourself as you handle the children with difficult behaviour.

6.       Remember that we all make mistakes.

7.       Ask for help.